Shawsheska I

"Dear diary,

I woke up today to the same feeling I've been having for two weeks now. I woke up to an empty bed. It's hard to grasp that we're no longer together. I just can't understand how all that was nothing but a big illusion. I went to make my morning coffee, not because I needed to drink coffee, just because that's what I do every morning. Everything is losing its meaning and nothing is making sense anymore. I drank my coffee and I can't remember what it tasted like. It doesn't matter anyway, everything turned tasteless the moment he told me he was leaving.

I didn't go to work today. I don't feel like leaving the house, and I can't stay here either. Everything in it reminds me of him, of us. Everything I touch or look at in here replays a memory in my head and I just can't stand it. I told myself this morning that today will be different, that I will not allow myself to sulk anymore and that I will go out for a walk and the fresh air will do the trick. I went out and after a long walk that I spent most of daydreaming about nothing at all, I found myself sitting on a bench in the park. Guess what, it was where he had kissed me for the first time. Ironic? Pathetic is more likely. Oh, diary I hate what I've become. I hate that person who looks back at me in the mirror and I hate him even more for doing that to me. There has to be a way to stop these tears, and this terrible pain."

Inspired by the song Illegal by Shakira ft. Carlos Santana