A Thing That Gets To Me

I am so angry that I can't find the suitable words to describe my anger level. How can people have that talent of making you about to explode?!

Being that angry I'm not even sure that what I write would make much sense, but I'll try to explain the reason behind that mood.

You know how people always think they know it all and they can just look at you and categorize you instantly? And the categories don't come in a large variety either, it's either good or bad.
Good is when you're like them all, that stereotypical goodie-two-shoes that does it all their way, and then there's bad; that's when you're anything that's not the conventional hypocritically boring person that they are most comfortable around.

I am not bizarre. I am not so different either. I'm just myself, but I know that people can be different and I accept their differences. So why is it so hard that everyone else would accept other peoples' differences too?

Let me give you some examples of a stereotypical mindset: (not all of those things apply to me, but it just pisses me off that they are regarded as rules, as a matter of fact that's beyond dispute)

A girl only watches football to impress guys, a girl who smokes any kind of tobacco is doing it to attract attention (male attention, of course).
A guy or a girl who goes out on his/her own to go to the movies or sit in a cafe to read or anything of the sort is a weirdo and needs psychological help.
Someone who takes a garbage collector or anyone who is not of a "suitable" social standard out for a meal and a nice chat has got some (or most) screws loose in that thing he calls a head!
A girl who goes out with a group of guys that exceeds two is definitely not well behaved, she is an easy catch and has no manners whatsoever.
On the other hand, a guy who goes out with a group of girls that exceeds two is a great guy, a casanova that is envied by all his peers for his great charm and capability to attract the laydees.

The list just goes on and on. And while most of it is just a bunch of stupid things that shouldn't affect anyone that much, when you put them all together it becomes a totally different thing. It smothers you and kills your individuality a slow, painful and most brutal death.

Too many people let their passions go to waste because they are shackled by the prjudice of the ignorant community around them. It's truly a shame...

Shawsheska I

"Dear diary,

I woke up today to the same feeling I've been having for two weeks now. I woke up to an empty bed. It's hard to grasp that we're no longer together. I just can't understand how all that was nothing but a big illusion. I went to make my morning coffee, not because I needed to drink coffee, just because that's what I do every morning. Everything is losing its meaning and nothing is making sense anymore. I drank my coffee and I can't remember what it tasted like. It doesn't matter anyway, everything turned tasteless the moment he told me he was leaving.

I didn't go to work today. I don't feel like leaving the house, and I can't stay here either. Everything in it reminds me of him, of us. Everything I touch or look at in here replays a memory in my head and I just can't stand it. I told myself this morning that today will be different, that I will not allow myself to sulk anymore and that I will go out for a walk and the fresh air will do the trick. I went out and after a long walk that I spent most of daydreaming about nothing at all, I found myself sitting on a bench in the park. Guess what, it was where he had kissed me for the first time. Ironic? Pathetic is more likely. Oh, diary I hate what I've become. I hate that person who looks back at me in the mirror and I hate him even more for doing that to me. There has to be a way to stop these tears, and this terrible pain."

Inspired by the song Illegal by Shakira ft. Carlos Santana

Blogs Are Fun!

It just hit me today that I have developed a fascination for reading blogs. I've always been curious about what goes around in peoples' minds and imagination, and to find a way to fulfill my curiosity is just great!

I didn't read many blogs yet, but I have a couple on my hands now that are very interesting. One of which is Tiny's, which is not increasing with the rate that I would like it to (but I'm optimistic that it will :) ) and the other one is already loaded with posts since it was started a lot earlier than Tiny's.

Actually I got the StatCounter idea from that other blog, so if you ever happen to stumble upon my humble blog, thanx for the great idea :)

I can't wait to finish reading all the previous posts and be up to date, and I really hope there are similarly interesting blogs around because this stuff is fun! I looked at a couple other blogs that weren't as interesting as the ones I'm reading now (not at all interesting, that is) so I do hope that there are other people like you guys and I do hope that I find them easily.

I'll go now to read some more :)
Tiny, write faster girl!

Shawsheska's Diary

I sometimes come up with stories. I imagine different situations and write about them sometimes. Some other times I just act a part. I imagine that I've just broken up with my man, or that I'm the CEO of a major organization. I never said I was totally sane, on the contrary I explicitly remember stating otherwise.

So, without further ado, I present to you Shawsheska, a young female who's everyone you can think of. She's the first woman to walk on the moon, she's the scientist who discovered that all important discovery, she's the next Ms. Monroe. She's the devil incarnate, or best of all; my favorite: just the girl next door. Shawsheska has a notebook with a colorful flower on the cover that she uses as a diary. The diary is her best friend, her confidante. The only one in the world who knows her deepest darkest secrets, her dreams and fears, the sources of happiness in her life and those of heartache and pain. So whenever Shawsheska feels like she needs someone who would really understand she talks to her dear friend Diary.

So from time to time, I will get some paragraphs out of her diary and put them out here for everyone to read. I sure hope she doesn't mind. Maybe one day she'll discover that I'm doing her a favour and helping her out of her little shell. I'm not saying that I am really doing her a favour(I honestly don't know at all what I'm doing exactly), I'm just saying I hope she would think so.

Crush And Be Done

What's with having a crush on someone? aren't we too old for that? how can you still get a crush on some guy you barely know? And being as grown-up as we are, we can see from what little we know that there's no way that it would be anything more than a crush. So why do we not get it out of our heads and get on with whatever it is that we do? Maybe because of the feelings that come with that crush, maybe that exciting giggly feeling and flirtatious behaviour that gets all your nerves working and the blood pumping inside your vains. Maybe because all the time you're on your toes waiting for that other person's next step, and thinking of steps that you could take to attract them but still be subtle enough not to expose yourself too much. I've got to admit that it is very exciting to look for signs of interest from them, to catch them while they were discreetly looking at you, or to notice how they start a conversation with you over absolutely nothing at all, or when they say that everyone missed you and someone else when both of you didn't come one day (and you know that everyone didn't really miss you both). and it is fun to see your effect on them, too when you say something funny and they laugh like you just said the funniest thing there is, even if both of you know it's really not that funny anyway, or when you both join forces to make fun of a poor unsuspecting victim and you sense that they're really enjoying it. Yes, it feels great to know you're interesting, and yes it is fabulous that you have that effect on someone you like, but it is still just a crush, you know so you have to get the best of it, get it done, and get over it! you can't just let it go to waste, right? ;)

Rock Ya Beiih, Rock Ya Haanem?

I was looking through El Sakia's site today to see if there were any interesting events coming up soon. I was actually looking for something for Wust El Balad but there was nothing this month. However, I found a couple of rock events and a tango one that I really want to check out. So I started going over a mental list of my friends to see who would be interested to go with me ( because it would be totally pathetic if I went alone, and it won't be that much fun then.), so I go over my relatively long list and I come up with two names, one of which is my mother who would be interested in both the rock and tango concerts. The other person would like to go to rock concerts but we don't quite have that bond that would make us go to any event without other friends. How fun is that? The phrase "Where have all the good people gone?" keeps popping in my head over and over... why does every outing have to involve food, aTV that's showing a song, but being muted because they have a totally different song playing in the sound system and people talking about absolute nonsense?
Anyway, I'll just take my chances and suggest that we go and keep my fingers crossed.

Just Wanted To Warn You

I should warn everyone who attempts to read these posts that there is no value, lesson to be learned or meaningful experience that you would come out with. I'm just writing bits and pieces of the product of a crazy mind. It's just a place for me to unload some of the stuff that's running around in my head, and believe me it's crowded up there. So what I write may seem stupid at times, deep at some other moments, or sincere or even just a load of junk most of the time. but it's still part of me. so bear with me and I truly appreciate your efforts to try to stay awake and read it to the end :) (that's if you'll actually do that).

So Tiny told me about this place, thanx girl, I have my doubts about you reading my blogs though, I don't blame you anyway.

And The Hippie Talks

I'm not exactly what you'd call an authentic hippie, I don't go around believing that you have every right to smoke pot and get laid and I don't believe that what's mine is yours and what's ours is everybody else's... but I do believe that things should be a lot simpler in life. You don't have to have it all made out! you don't have to have your whole life divinely planned, you don't have to be polite and considerate all the time and you definitely shouldn't abide by the rules all the time! after all, who made those rules? some other human being looking for a sense of understanding, seeking the superiority of knowing something, and making any sense out of it... and actually passing it on to other unknowing human beings as ground rules as to how to lead a well, civilized life. So I say we all have to loosen up a little and go where our whims take us, just follow our impulses as long as they're not destructive impulses that will get us in deep ... trouble :)

I don't know how to describe myself, but I tend to talk about myself a lot ( it's obvious right?). It's that i'm a mixture of so many things that I can't even figure myself out, and I think I never will. I don't mind, I think if I actually figure myself out there will be no more mystery in my life and i'll just be that dull person who's all figured out.

People say i'm crazy, they're right. I am crazy, who isn't? We all have a crazy bit in us.. some just let it go and others try so hard to hide it. I believe that those who work so hard at hiding it are the ones who turn out to be the real nutcases. It strains to try to hide who you are in a stupid attempt to appeal to people who are indifferent anyway, so it eventually drives you over the edge. At least I think so.