Shawsheska II

(for the best reading experience, read it while listening to John Williams - Schindler's List Theme - violin solo by itzhak perlman)



"Dear Diary,

I decided today to cut to the chase. I hereby admit that there is no such thing called love. I've been thinking a lot about it and trying to tell myself otherwise. I tried so hard to believe in it that it was becoming rediculous.

I always felt that love was so grand and that it was the most amazing feeling you could ever experience.. that it made you feel that no matter what happened that could get you down, there was always that part of you that was untouchable and always happy simply because you were in love... I was stupid.

I tried so many times to explain what it is but I couldn't because it's an illusion. People created it because we all want to belong to something so powerful, so invincible, so sacred. We all need to feel that we are more important than the whole world to someone, and so we convince ourselves that someone is more important than the whole world to us. We pretend to fall in 'love' and drown in our pretences and fly so high only to plummet and break.
Wether we get broken hearted because we discover that the one we 'loved' didn't really 'love' us back, or we fall right back out of 'love' the end result is the same: one of both parties took the lie a little bit further, or rather a little bit more seriously than the other.

So to hell with it all, I want out. Out of this stupid game of believing, anticipating, hoping that Santa Claus is actually real and that this christmas he will bring me the gift I've written down on the decorated piece of paper that I stuffed into the stocking on the fireplace... "

Lock the doors, close the curtains and just leave me be
There's no heaven, no bright angels, nothing else but me
Tears have fallen, pure hearts broken, pain as black as night
Cover all my shattered dreams and leave me out of sight