Memoires of A Misplaced Hippie

The Following Day

2012-01-31T12:41:00.000+02:00

I went to church today. I attended mass, said hello to the people I knew, got something to eat and left. I sat there in the car eating my sandwich and drinking my strawberry milk. I felt like a homeless person. Someone who lives in their car. It felt really sad that I didn't feel like I could go "home". I hate that feeling, but I can't help feeling it. I am not depressed because of it. For some reason God is giving me a lot of peace in my heart. Whenever I feel sad it seems to subside and I start feeling peaceful. I feel God's hand in my life and I am confident He is working things out without me having to ask. I do ask for it, every minute of the day, and I am confident that I can hear Him say "all in its time my precious girl". I am confident in You my Lord. I am confident that You have it all in Your hands and nothing in the world can harm Your children.

I am sitting here in our balcony, in the balcony. I don't want to go inside. All kinds of thoughts are running through my head. Why isn't he awake yet? Should I wake him up? What would I say? Just checking on you? It doesn't make sense...

Lonliest Day of My Life

2012-01-31T12:21:00.000+02:00

Yesterday was the worst day of my life. Part of my existence shattered to pieces right in front of my eyes. It was just like one of those near death accidents where you see everything going in slow motion and you feel so detached from it all, as if you are watching a movie in 3D. It's happening around you but there's nothing you can do but watch it unfold.
I see now why it's easier with a fight. With a fight you know what's coming. You shout, scream, yell at each other, throw stuff at one another and slam doors. Then you cool off, say you're sorry and it's done.
What happened was something else. Something you dread with people in your life, let alone the people of your life. How can your parents break up with you? The silence in the room was more deafening than the loudest noise. Statements were made that broke the household in pieces. The cruelty of it all was too much to take. Every white was tainted.

I trust there is a way back... there has to be.

And The Truth Is...

2010-02-11T00:16:00.003+02:00

And there I go, wandering the streets, looking for you. I looked right and left and in between. I searched people's faces, looking for a sign of you. All I found was empty spaces, distant faces. Everything is void of meaning or sense. Music tastes like dust. Grains of sand that fall through the growing spaces between our hands feel so familiar. That's all I can relate to. Little grains slipping and falling on the ground, shattering and scattering never to be found again and no one cares to notice. Along comes the wind and blows them away and I slowly realize why they look so familiar...why they're so close to my heart...

Change

2009-12-28T03:04:00.003+02:00

And here it goes again, I wait and wait and wait for change. Not doing anything myself and I still wait.

How long will it take for me to stand up? GET UP! Work at getting things done, work at making a change?!!

I want to go places, do things! The world is out there holding out its arms and waiting to hug all mankind in its warm embrace. YES the universe is waiting to hug us all into its vast variety of an existence! And what am I doing about it? One. Big. Fat. NOTHING!

I want to fly and I have the wings to do it, but I'm letting weak chains pin me down!

This has got to stop! I will make it stop! I have to, or I might as well just lay down and wait patiently to be taken away from this earth...

It is time to REBEL!!!

You

2009-08-30T12:11:00.002+02:00

I'm hurt. I'm torn and tormented. Losing all I have that connects me to me, to you. Having to always choose between you and everything else is too exhausting. And at the end it is never rewarding, because whatever I choose is not good enough. Whatever I do just doesn't work for you. Maybe you want something that I don't have, or maybe you want something that doesn't exist. Will you find it if I walk away? Or would you finally find out that you had it all along and you simply let it go? How does it feel to be always dissatisfied? I finally know that now. You fed that feeling to me until I became saturated. Now I know how you feel; always unhappy and never finding pleasure in anything you do. How sad this all is..

If I could take this all away, all your sadness, all my pain, all that stands between us and happiness, I would do it in an instant. I would take it all and throw it away into the ocean where it can never be found. Maybe then we'd be happy again, happy together, simple together and maybe we'd be precious together.

There's too much to say, and not so many words to explain it. Being unhappy with you kills me more than the feeling of being unhappy itself. I've always felt the best with you, but now, I feel the worst because of you. And it hurts that you can't feel what you're doing to me. It hurts that I have to explain it to you every time so you would understand. I lose just because I need to tell you that you hurt me, and you don't see that you do until I say it to you. Why don't you feel that you are hurting me except when I point it out? Why does it need to be explained? And why does it take no time for you to hurt me again?

And why should I seem so pathetic and wait for it to happen again? Why don't I just let go?

Define: Depression

2008-11-01T16:32:00.002+02:00

Does it seem normal that whenever you need something the most, that would be the time it's not there the most?

I don't think I need to explain that sentence. If I explain it it would be too personal. I want it to reflect on everyone's life. whenever You need something more than any other time, that is the time that you feel that it is not reachable...

Down And Out On Love

2008-08-11T09:32:00.006+03:00

Staggering pain.... staggering, excruciating pain.

"There's nothing more to say" she said, as she sat down on the sofa. "I'm sure you know everything already." .... there was her heart; one minute it was flying with wings of stardust and gold, the next it was shot down and crushed to the ground....

Unpublished Stories for Unknown Authors.

The Monster

2008-07-16T23:59:00.005+03:00

This is a poem I wrote a few days ago....

She put down her keys and closed the door
She knew that she's been there before
All the hurt and all the pain
She watched it surface all over again

Like a monster lurking in the dark
Waiting for her aching heart
Sitting there with a wicked smile
He knows it'll only be a while

He's waiting there till the time is right
Until she's lost the will to fight
That's when the monster will attack
Pain knows no one can hold him back

The monster of pain knows he's strong
He knows that tears won't be that long
She knows it too, she's been around
So she lets go and hits the ground

A door inside her heart slams shut
Some broken dreams are just thrown out
Just another door that's slowly closed
Another room that got exposed

It seems a lifetime, still there she lies
On that cold, hard floor she cries
And as she lay there outside that door
She closed her eyes and cried some more

9 June 2008

To Emad

2008-06-25T14:01:00.005+03:00

Guys are stupid. They have the stupidest way of coping with sadness.

Today one of my colleagues at work left for a 3 month vacation that could end up in him just leaving altogether if he finds a better opportunity and better offer in Australia where he'll be going for those 3 months. He is the most amazing person I've ever had the privilege of working with. He is one of the best people I've known on a whole lot of levels. He's very intelligent, religious and good at heart. He is intellectual and friendly and considerate; a real gentleman.

We girls handle sadness in that old fashioned way.. we looked sad, shed a few tears. We didn't make a scene, but we had tears in our eyes.

On the other hand, the way guys reacted to the whole thing was outrageous to me. They were making jokes about it, making fun of us for being too emotional, and all sorts of other indifferent gestures. They were unhappy. They just didn't want to show it, and they had the ability not to. That's how men are built, they just don't get too emotional. I'm not blaming them or saying that they are insensitive creatures who are incapable of being considerate to the way others are feeling ( although I wish I could say that and maybe I'd feel a little better then ) I know they aren't all that. I know they mean the best at heart and that's just their way of being all macho-man-does-not-cry-in-the-face-of-distress. I just think there are certain situations where they could just not do anything at all.. just be silent and let it all take its effect peacefully...

Emad, you will be missed by everyone here. And even though we wish you all the best that God has planned out for you, and we know that there is definitely better than here, we just can't help but have that little hope that you will be back at the end of those three months with your lovely wife and definitely adorable baby boy.

We'll see you soon.

Hmmm... What's That About?

2008-04-30T01:53:00.006+03:00

So I bought more skirts, and I've been wearing them more often, with a silent T. Not OfTen, often.. with a silent T!

You see it coming, right? Random post ahead. Brace yourselves.

Mary Magdalene... caused a huge controversial dispute.. the whole book, The Da Vinci Code, was very controversial indeed. It was all full of nonsense when it came to facts about Christianity or Jesus Christ and anything related to all that, but it was a great mystery book and it kept us all anticipating the end with every page we turned. I got scorned for reading this book by friends who followed our Fathers' (father here refers to a priest) recommendations and "requests" not to read it. They were afraid (the fathers, i.e. the priests) that it would mislead us and confuse our information about our faith. Well, they have every right to worry about us. But you can't expect me to just do something for the sole reason that you asked me to. Oh, yeah, you actually do... what a surprise..(not really).

I don't really know why I wrote about that now. I read the book ages ago anyway.

What is it with fruits and vegetables? Which is which already? Why don't scientists, or whoever get to categorize plants for that matter, finally make up their minds about which plants are vegetables and which ones are fruits? They are so petty.

Petty.. Pattern.. what is with writing a double T when you'll pronounce it as "DR" anyway??? Humans are weird! "Pedry...Padrern"

Trends?

2008-03-30T12:49:00.002+02:00

Hmmm, what should I write about this time?

It's been a while (as usual). I think that's a trend in my life. I get involved in something and then after a while I just forget all about it or put it aside, only to remember a while after that that "I was doing something.. wasn't I?". Does that have to do with my memory? Or is it all about me getting bored of stuff faster than the normal? And if that's the case, does that apply to every single thing in my life? Including the important things that simply can't be placed in that category?

I mean, if I create an account on some radio streaming site and then get bored of it and never log in again, that's not such a major issue. In fact, it's a dumb issue and if I give it any attension then I'm just as dumb. But if I go buy a car or a house and decide that I got bored of it and just want to change it after having it for a very short time, now that's a bit of a problem.

Let's take this to the higher level, where it could be a real problem....

Visualise this with me if you will:

I pick a great career and go the distance and start actually working in a good company, and just a little while later I'm considering a career shift. Not changing my job but in the same line of business.. Noo, that would actually make sense. A total change in careers is what I'm talking about, and it just keeps going.

Another drastic change: (and here, a good psychiatrist will tell you that this is probably what I've been meaning ever since I started writing this whole post, but was too afraid to admit it that I tried as much as I can to disguise it into just one of the many examples that merely explain my point) getting involved with someone, or just letting them know that you like them and then changing your mind a little bit later and not knowing why or how it happened.

Please note that I'm not saying this is happening to me right now. I'm saying it happened before and it's scary to think that it could happen again. Because you never know what could happen in your life. You could eat a certain type of food for an enterval of your life and maybe even consider it your favorite, and then all of a sudden it falls off your menu for no good reason, or maybe you decide to eat it a lot for the rest of your life and actually do that!
This wasn't a great "metaphor", here's another one:

You could do something once and never do it again, or the exact opposite; you do it enough times for it to become a trend. Like going to the gym, eating junk food, drinking massive amounts of alcohol till you pass out... Or liking someone and then not liking them anymore...

I sure hope this doesn't happen to me ever again. Ask me why...

Songs...

2008-01-22T18:03:00.000+02:00

In this post I will just put lines from songs that I like. Random to an extent. Quotes and lines that ring through my ears and my soul as I listen to the song...

"Take my photo off the wall if it just won't sing for you. "

"She lives a life she didn't choose, and it hurts like brand new shoes. "

"Never want to be set free, The more you give the more I need, Can't change what is meant to be, No you can't change destiny. "

'I sit and talk to God, but He just laughs at my plans. "

"Everyone has a secret, oh can they keep it? Oh no they can't. "

"If you need to fall apart, I can mend your broken heart, If you need to crash then crash and burn, you're not alone. "

"This is where the one who knows meets the one who doesn't care. "

"I'm feeling like a Monday, but someday I'll be Saturday night. "

"She makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. " *

"In the words of a broken heart it´s just emotions, taking me over. Caught up in sorrow, lost in the song. "

"How can you be so far away, lying by my side?"

"I believe in Karma, what you give is what you get returned."

"I'm free, free falling. "

"You make me smile, please stay for a while now, just take your time, wherever you go. "

"I love him in every way that a woman could love a man, from personal to universal, but most of all it's unconditional. "

"I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart. "

"But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd. "

"I believe the grass is no more greener than the other side. "

"Free as a bird, it's the next best thing to be. "

That's it for now... I will leave you with this last one:

"There ain't no substitute for the truth, either it is or it isn't. You see, the truth it needs no proof, either it is or it isn't. And you know the truth by the way it feels. "

*(Because she's so sexy, not because she's scary)

9 Things Women Say

2007-12-02T12:31:00.000+02:00

This email has been forwarded to me a few times before. And every time I read it I think to myself that this is Soooo true. Women do use these particular words/phrases to express these exact alternative meanings. So to all men reading this: Pay attention, because this will help you better understand what women really mean to tell you:

Little note: About number 8.. There isn't one specific word in mind, but anything you can think of that best fits the severity of the situation would be good enough. Oh, and don't go easy on yourself. She won't be saying darn you...

1. Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever : Is a women's way of saying %*#$ YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

Diaries, Embassies And Falookas

2007-11-22T15:13:00.000+02:00

Multi-topic-post :

- It's interesting to read someone's diary. Not their private diary of course, I mean their online diary, the one they have there for public access. It kind of feeds your curiosity without being nosy. Because one way or the other we all have a little bit of curiosity within us. At least I would like to think so, because I don't want to feel that I'm too curious and nosy.

- I was in Zamalek the day before yesterday and on my way to where I parked my car there was an embassy. I was curious to know which embassy it was because I didn't recognize the flag. So I stopped in front of it and took a look at the sign, then decided to ask the guard (3askari) that was standing in front of the building about it. He went silent for a few seconds and concentrated real hard to remember the name. And then a smile was drawn on his face as if he was secretly saying "Eureka!!". Then he said.. "The Embassy of Bab Zewela" ( that's the name of one of the fortified gates to Cairo in the Fatimid reign). It turned out that what he meant to say was Venezuela!!!

- So a couple of days ago I went with my friends on a "falooka" ride. A falooka for those who don't know it is an Egyptian name for a small boat that goes on little cruises in the Nile.

The man who was sailing the boat was amazing; He was really old, and he's from upper Egypt. His name was Shaaban. We asked him when we got on the falooka if he had a cassette player (they usually install cassettes that you put in your car in the falooka ) so we could put some music on. He said that they got so noisy that the coast guards told them to remove all cassette players from the boats. But he reassured us that it wasn't a problem because he had an alternative: he'll sing some ballads and songs from his home town. And so he did....

It was extremely fun to sit there and listen to him sing his songs and in between tell us his story and how he raised his 8 daughters and got all of them well educated and then happily married except for the youngest who is still in school. He told us about how his wife had passed away and is in heaven now. He told us stories about some of the manors on the river banks and who owned them... He was a charming old man in his own way.

OK! here's what I'm most excited about! A video of him singing one of the songs.

Enjoy :)

Shawsheska III

2007-11-11T14:56:00.000+02:00

Madonna - This used to be my playground

"Dear Gwyneth,

How are you? It's been so long since you last came to visit me. Or at least it seems this way to me. I've lost track of time. It's so hard to keep track of days in here, sometimes I feel that It's a blessing. It's so hard to keep count of the time I've spent and the time I have left in here before I'm released. Time passes by so slowly that it makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs whenever I realize how much time I have left within those walls.
It's OK though. I know I'll be out soon. I just have to keep my chin up and everything will be just fine...

How are Jeff and Scotty doing? How's their school work going? Is Scott studying well for his tests? I know how hard all this has been for him. I just wish he focuses on his future. Oh Gwyn I'm so scared that I might have ruined my own babies' lives... I blame myself everyday for what I've done. I can't help it.. it just tears me up inside.. the pain I feel is blinding.

Tell Jeff to be strong.. tell him that I love him so much and that he and his brother are the most important things to me in the entire world.. tell them that I'm coming out soon and I'll make everything right again.

Gwyn, come visit me soon. I need to know how you all are doing. I'm going crazy not knowing what's happening on the outside with my family. Or just call me.. it's really hard to use the phone around here, but if I get a call it's easier. We can talk for a couple of minutes just so I know that everything is OK.. because everything is OK, right?

Okay, I'll finish up then. Tell my boys I love them and that I miss them so much.. tell them that I miss taking them in my arms and hugging all their worries away. Tell them I'm coming home soon.... "

Nonsensical

2007-10-08T09:39:00.000+02:00

One of the best things I've taught myself, is to never let anything or anyone control my mood. Sometimes it seems to others that I'm cold, indifferent or worse. But in the end it all comes down to this: No one feels the pain of having your sentiments controlled by others except you. So if you have anyway of avoiding that, so be it.

On a more cheerful note, Chad Kroeger and Santana's new song is Aaaaaaaa-mazing! Completely uplifting tune, very interesting lyrics, great music altogether. Perfect. Listen to it, it's worth it.
It can seriously get you out of any unwanted negative mood you're in.

Santana ft. Chad Kroeger - Into the night.

I need to buy more skirts.

The Magic Garden

2007-08-21T01:29:00.000+03:00

I close my eyes and dream of a garden. A magical garden right in front of me. It's spread as far as I can see.
Take my hand and walk with me, into the garden. walk with me along the wavy brick paths paving the way. Through the dancing leaves of flowers with the colours of the rainbow, and the beauty of the stars.
Look into my eyes as we reach the tips of the magical pathway. Smile back at me... because you know what I'm thinking about like you always do. Nod at me and do as I do at the very same moment. Take off your shoes and take the first step with me, barefoot into the magical garden. Our magical garden.
We run together and embrace the leaves, but you never leave my hand. I am safe in your hands.
Lie with me and breathe it all in... we are one till the very end.

Listen to: The Cranberries - Never Grow Old

I'm A Gellar!

2007-08-05T08:46:00.000+03:00

Don't we all think we'd be a Rachel?? Weird how things turn out :s

Which Friends Character Are You?
	You are part Monica. You have a go-all-out nature. Your friends better watch out, because you play to win. Also, when it comes to order and cleanliness, you're a bit obsessive compulsive. Your best trait, however, is your thoughtfulness. You go to great lengths to care for your friends.
	You are part Ross. You're intelligent and adored by your parents. However, your lack of social skills causes you to talk too much and try too hard. While your friends pick on you for your nerdiness, they better watch our for your rage.

Stare

2007-07-24T02:44:00.000+03:00

The mind is a terrible thing. It thinks about everything and gets things all complicated. Sometimes I wish that my mind would just take a break, or maybe go on vacation. I mean I thank God for it and all, but.. sometimes it just gets too much to handle. You can't keep on thinking about everything so much, thinking of all the probabilities and options. Worst case scenarios, best case scenarios, the good, the bad, the OK, the predictable, the unpredictable, the surreal, the dramatic scenarios... the list just goes on and on and the mind keeps on thinking. And it keeps coming up with new scenarios every waking second, and even while you sleep. I keep looking in my mind for answers, I keep searching for reasons. It feels like I'm under a spell and I can't be liberated from the chains of my thoughts. You put me in the middle of a whirlpool and now you're watching me drown. See me fade away...

Mashrebtesh Men Nilha

2007-06-05T20:53:00.000+03:00

This is a song By Shereen; an Egyptian singer I really like. She's singing about Egypt that I truly love, I wish we could all feel the same way about her (Egypt, not Shereen) and really try our best to make everything about her better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bB7Smz1rUBg

They Stole It!

2007-05-16T20:24:00.000+03:00

I can't believe it. They stole the logo of my car brand right off my car! I'm not angry. It can easily be replaced, or so they've told me.. it didn't happen before so I wouldn't know. What I really feel is amusement. I'm honestly amused. Because I don't get it, I mean yeah, it will get them some cash.. and some people do need any amount of cash they could get their hands on. And come to think of it, I do get it. But it still amuses me what people would sometimes do.

Anyway.. it upsets me a little that I'm 99% positive that whoever took it won't do something good with the money.. but I'm just holding on to that 1%. You never know.

I Hope You Dance

2007-05-07T15:44:00.001+03:00

"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance, I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin'
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin'
Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin' out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance, I hope you dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion, always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
And wonder, where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance, I hope you dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
And wonder where those years have gone)"


Thank you, Lee Ann Womack for singing it ever so wonderfully.

For everyone who gets to read this, I really hope you dance...

I Won't Say I'm Back

2007-05-05T20:43:00.000+03:00

Yes, it's been a very long while. Yes, I've been away from my blog for way too long. and Yes, I'm supposed to right something insightful after this long time... But no, I won't say all the I'm back and I missed writing in the blog scenario. And no, I'm not going to write anything insightful.

Fiction is what you create in your head. You follow a meaningless thought and help it develop into a huge fantasy that you soon start to believe. You sink so deep into your own thoughts that you lose track of what's real. You confuse reality with the figments of your imagination until nothing makes sense anymore.

And Suddenly, without any warnings, you get hit hard by cold, solid truth! Nothing is what you fought so hard to create. Even when you're still not hit with the truth you can feel it deep inside of you. In that dark little spot way down there you know that it will hit you and shatter your world into ever so tiny little pieces. But even when you try to fix it and make sense of it all you realize that you just can't. It's too late now to untangle what you messed up over such a long time.

Why do we run away into our minds and create a lie and try so hard to believe it only to let it eventually mess us up? Why don't we just face facts and deal with them right there and then instead of shoving them aside and hoping they'd just disappear or go away as if they never existed in the first place? Because it just doesn't work that way. I hope it did but it just doesn't

S for Stupid

2006-12-02T02:10:00.000+02:00

People are sometimes so stupid. They keep on making the same stupid mistakes and stupid gestures and never take a hint, or a hike. You state the obvious over and over again, until you bluntly take aggressive action to make your point reach their thick stupid skull, and still they don't get it.

What else should I do? How can I make it clear to you that being stupid is just not cool? It's .. well, stupid! Don't you get tired of being rejected? Does it not bug you that your sentences are being stopped short and you are never getting what you want out of the conversation?
I'm a free spirit and you've got the spirit of a grandfather! Maybe later in life you can play with my children but that's also far fetched because they will be more precious than to be thrown into your whirlpool of boring-ness..

Ughhh!!! stop sending me messages! Stop calling me! Stop initiating contact and maybe then you'll realize that I'm not even trying to initiate contact with you!!

In other words... F*** off!! Bugger off!! Go away, just go away! Could you? Just go away?

Oh! And why do you assume that people are willing and happy to hear you babble on about complete and utter nonsense? Why don't you ever just shut your irritatingly never closing trap?!

How can someone be as dumb as you are? Why the hell do you assume that you are something that you're not? You are neither significant in my life nor at all important to me, so pleaase pleeeaaaaase do not act like you are, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT!!

And what's with the completely lame excuses to talk to me? and about what? driving instead of you because your finger is injured? Are you for real? There's no way I'm getting in your car at all! I wish it were your neck not just your finger! what the hell is up there in that skull of urs? jelly???

Whatever... I'm wasting too much blog space on you.. go to whichever shiny spot in the universe away from me, STUPIDO!

Fi 7ob Masr

2006-10-13T21:37:00.000+02:00

Sorry for those who don't understand arabic.. but I can't express the next lines in any other language...

" Masr asia awy 3ala weladha ya basha"... gomlet hend sabry fi 3emaret ya3qoubian. aktar gomla fe3lan bet3abbar 3an 7al el balad. 3an masr. e7na weladha we ben7ebbaha we mane2darsh ne3ish men gherha... di mahma kan ommena. bas ommena asia awi 3aleina. mesh asia 3ala kol el nas tab3an bas asia awi 3ala weladha elli begad. sayed we 3amm faye2 beta3 el khodar.. bawab el 3emara elli gambena we merato we welado... wel sett elli ad geddet geddety elli lessa leghayet delwa2ty betet7esher fel otobis 3ashan teroo7 te2dy masla7a.. we weladha elli rakbin el mowaslat el 3amma fi 3ezz 7ar seifek ya masr we shayfin men 7awaleihom 3arabeyat ashkal we alwan akher model be kol el kamaleyat we takyif 3al khaddein yehafhaf.. we homma malhomsh gher el 7amdolella 3ala kol 7aal we ya rabb el sawa2 mayetkhane2sh enaharda 3ashan nel7a2 newsal el gam3a.. 3ashan bardo manet3alemsh we netla3 menha 3al ahwa 3edel... we ma7adesh ye3edd ba2a el batala weslet le kam 3ashan mat2elloosh baraket-ha. "Masr asia awi 3ala weladha ya basha". masr sayba weladha yetbahdelo fel masale7 el 7okomeya we kol men hab we dab yematwa7 fihom yemin we shemal... wa7ed ad geddy leih yetbahdel 3ala eid wa7ed tany ma3addash el talatin sana a3ed regl 3ala regl we yermilo wara2o 3al ard we yeb2a baseslo be araf we ka2eno arfan 7atta yetef fi wesho.. we bardo ma3zoor maho bardo men weladek ya masr. We gherhom zorofhom a7san shwaya men welad masr.. menhom wa7ed shofto fi eshara men kam yom.. rakeb 3arabeya... yekhaliky lih ya ommena.. VolksWagen.. beatle, el khonfesa el adima.. howa we merato we 3eyalo el talata elli mazno2in 3ala kanabet el 3arabeya.. el 7amdolella eno fih 3arabeya.We mesh lazem abtedy 7atta atkalem 3ala 3asaker el moroor elli men awel el nahar le akher el leil wa2fin fi ay gaw fi nafs el za7ma elli e7na we7na fe 3arabeyatna elli fiha takyif mabnesta7melhash 3ashar da2aye2 3ala ba3d. wala hatkalem 3ala 3asaker el tashrifa elli beyzayeno el share3 belsa3at.

Oh Well, Too Bad

2006-08-27T17:40:00.000+03:00

OK, so I have this little confession;

Ever had this feeling about someone that you wanted to be with them, even though you knew for a fact that it was totally absurd?? And down right impossible??? I'm not being clear at all. I know.

Let's see how I can put this... This guy I know, he's so attractive, he's got that star quality about him, not that little boyish Leo Di Caprio kind... The Bruice Willis kind. Of course, as usual he's younger than me ( why should he be any different from almost all my male friends ?!) and of course there could be nothing between us at aaalllll! But there's still this attractiveness about him.. Oh well. whatever!

You see, the problem with me (although I know it's not a problem, it's actually a good thing) is that I'm not the kind of person who would be with someone if it's not for all the right reasons. I don't do flings, I don't go for a relationship just for the fun of it. I really think it through before taking a step toward something serious.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not the "if you like me, propose and let's get married" type! ughh!! Those people freak me out! On the other hand though, I'm not the "Ok, I like you, be my boyfriend" type either.
I like to have some firm common ground between me and someone and then hook up and see where it takes us.

I've wasted my time and yours on this silly post. I'd better get back to work.

Later...

Letter to God

2006-08-20T12:13:00.000+03:00

I won't go through small talk, you know me enough to get streight to the point.

I'm sorry. I cross you a lot and you still forgive me. You show me in too many ways that you love me, and I go and do the same things that make you sad over and over again.

I try not to cross you, but I don't try hard or long enough. I just take the easy way out and say well, maybe next time I'll get it right but deep down I know that it's not enough.

I love you and I know you love me beyond imagination, and I know that you've conquered sin to allow me to be free.

I don't want to be weak anymore, I want to make you happy. Please help me be your daughter, make me fit to be the daughter of the King.

Loud and Clear ! Crap!!

2006-08-17T01:48:00.000+03:00

Wow... it's been a while! I've been so swamped lately that I haven't had time to visit my blog or any of the other ones I've grown addicted to along the way. And now I'm back but with nothing much to say.. well there is this one event...

The most embarrassing thing in the world just happened to me two days ago at work.
I was sitting at my cubicle, no.. actually standing which meant that I was visible to everyone.
I was undocking my laptop to go to a meeting room, so I press the eject button and to my horror, the loudest sound of music that could ever be heard comes out of my lovely, not so discrete laptop! I frantically try to mute it and nothing happens! I realise that the mute button is not working because the pc is locked.. and to try to unlock it now and wait for it to log on and then start to mute that thing would take forever. I started to notice that a circle of curious and in some cases angry and disapproving eyes was quickly forming around me and its radius was growing every passing second. I had to do something but I wasn't quite sure what, and that guy singing in my speakers just wouldn't stop!!! And then suddenly I figure it all out, the reason this guy started screaming out of control is that I udocked the laptop and the headphones were attached to the dock-station! so I start fumbling with the headphones to try to remove them from the dock-station and place them back into the laptop itself until I finally (after what seemed like a century) manage to do that and the music is finally gone. I look and i see at least a dozen faces directed my way. I say "Sorry... Sorry" and I duck, continue to gather my stuff and wait a few minutes then head for the meeting room and stay there for the rest of the day.

Life's a BLAST
Cheers!

Shawsheska II

2006-07-27T00:50:00.000+03:00

(for the best reading experience, read it while listening to John Williams - Schindler's List Theme - violin solo by itzhak perlman)

"Dear Diary,

I decided today to cut to the chase. I hereby admit that there is no such thing called love. I've been thinking a lot about it and trying to tell myself otherwise. I tried so hard to believe in it that it was becoming rediculous.

I always felt that love was so grand and that it was the most amazing feeling you could ever experience.. that it made you feel that no matter what happened that could get you down, there was always that part of you that was untouchable and always happy simply because you were in love... I was stupid.

I tried so many times to explain what it is but I couldn't because it's an illusion. People created it because we all want to belong to something so powerful, so invincible, so sacred. We all need to feel that we are more important than the whole world to someone, and so we convince ourselves that someone is more important than the whole world to us. We pretend to fall in 'love' and drown in our pretences and fly so high only to plummet and break.
Wether we get broken hearted because we discover that the one we 'loved' didn't really 'love' us back, or we fall right back out of 'love' the end result is the same: one of both parties took the lie a little bit further, or rather a little bit more seriously than the other.

So to hell with it all, I want out. Out of this stupid game of believing, anticipating, hoping that Santa Claus is actually real and that this christmas he will bring me the gift I've written down on the decorated piece of paper that I stuffed into the stocking on the fireplace... "

Lock the doors, close the curtains and just leave me be
There's no heaven, no bright angels, nothing else but me
Tears have fallen, pure hearts broken, pain as black as night
Cover all my shattered dreams and leave me out of sight

Paper-Work Heaven Part II

2006-07-17T02:15:00.001+03:00

I should have written this on Thursday but I didn't have time to do that, then went away on the weekend so now....

I had two main things left on my list, the first one was "ka3b 3amal", so I went to the place where they do that on Wednesday, only to find that they needed 3 documents; my ID and a copy of it, my college graduation certificate and a copy of it and finally my insurance number. The first two were a piece of cake, the third one was supposed to be so as well according to the nice lady who told me what I needed.( she was really nice, friendly and smiled at me while talking, I almost thought something was just not right) She told me I had to go to the insurance office and just ask for that number. The funny thing though was that she told me I had to come back the next day because they were out of "ka3b 3amal" forms! Huh???

So I went to the insurance guys, went into an office that had a big glass cube with a bunch of employees inside it and some round openings in the glass through which we could talk to the employees. I went to the first one I saw and tried to ask her where I should go exactly to get that number, "Good Morning :)"... no answer...."Excuse me"... nothing, then she turned towards someone next to her and talked to them. So I figured she was not deaf or dumb. "Ma'am"...absolutely nothing.
What bugged me the most was that she was playing the "busy" part by sitting and typing stuff on an almost extinct version of what we used to call a computer way back when we didn't know any better. Honestly, who are you kidding??? If she had been nice enough to look at my ID she would've noticed that I'm a computer science major so who on earth was she kidding??? Not that I expect her to waste her precious typing time on me, but at least respect the citizens who walk by and see you doing that and at least had definitely seen a computer once before at some point of their wretched lives!

In a last attempt to get her attention or at least bug her a bit I bluntly called out "Ya 7aggaa" and still there was nothing from her side so I went ahead and asked someone else who directed me to the queue that i needed to be in.

After standing there for a couple of minutes, (it was just me and another girl and 7 or 8 men) some guy passed by and told me helpfully "why are you standing here? there's a queue for women over there.. go stand there " ( for the egyptians out there reading this and not yet bored, he said "fih taboor lel 7areem oddam! " I totally hate this word, it disgusts me huuuugely :S ugh!

This is one of the very few times that I appreciated discrimination in Egypt. I got the insurance number in 5 minutes instead of an hour and was on my way home. Went the next day and got the ka3b 3amal thing in 5 minutes as well. It was a stupid piece of paper that looked like an ugly receipt. What strange things they ask for .

Now I was done except for the very last thing that I had to get from the previous job: a document called form 6 that is like a release of obligations... just a piece of paper saying that I no longer work for them. It's supposed to be the simplest thing and guess what! I'll have it after one month because the manager says so. No other reason than that mister big boss says "I'll give it to you after one month of leaving us" Okaay! whatever makes you feel good (you CRAZY *#*&%@&#**#*#)

And I'm done! Yaaaaaaay!!!!!

Paper-Work Heaven Part I

2006-07-12T11:17:00.000+03:00

Yeah, right!

Paper-work Utopia, where everyone greets you with a smile and a welcome drink, and then they adjust the AC just the way you prefer it until you are satisfactorily served and ready to go on your way. The service itself is beyond seven stars.. they know what you want before you even mention it. And before you know it it's done and voilà! home sweet home.

ALRIGHT! Snap out of it!! It's time you see the real deal (this is the perfect time to have an evil smirk on my prrrretty prrretty face)

I went to run a couple of paperwork errands today.. stuff for the new job and things that I should've done a long time ago.. I tend to leave that boring stuff till the very end.. y'know when I just have to do it. I had my ID done when I was 22 simply because I didn't need it earlier.
So the first thing I wanted to do was to renew my passport which was the easiest and nicest part of the whole thing. You go to an air conditioned hall, get a form, fill a tiny part of it and then give it to a nice lady who gives you two paper slips to fill out and that's it, you pay and get it either later that day or the next depending on how urgently you need it.
Then I started the other stuff...

I had to get a thing called "Sa7ifa Gena2eya", I guess rap sheet or something? It's where they get your fingerprints and then check your record to see if you have any prior offences. First thing I did was go yesterday at 12:15 to the booth that was designated for that errand. A booth!! I asked the woman sitting there about what documents I needed to get to do that sa7ifa thing. She replied in a Don-Corleone-like voice that I had to get the mumble mumble and a photo copy of my ID and a mumble mumble from the post office and come back tomorrow any time between 8 and 11:30 to do it. What kind of establishment finishes work at 11:30 am???!!!

Aaanyway, so today I went again at 9:15, found out what all the mumbles were from a different guy that was in the booth (Yesterday's woman must have been the customer support or something) then started my journey to collect mumbles from the PO, the police station and back to the booth to get my fingers smudged and ..er...printed? You know what I mean, or at least I hope so.

Documents List:

Passport : check
Rap Sheet: check

So now I have left the "ka3b 3amal". Its word for word translation is work heel which is quite bizzarre, why on earth did they call it that?? I have no clue as to what it states or what it is needed for, but they want it so I'll get it.
This document's adventure started today but is not yet complete. so I'll leave it to part two so that I give you the full story in detail.

Ciao for Now!

Oh and by the way, VIVA ITALIA!!!! Azzurri : campioni del mondo

Oracle, Here I Come !!

2006-07-07T03:15:00.000+03:00

I keep trying to write a good beginning to this post, but nothing comes to mind... oh what the hell!

So, I left work day before yesterday. I had given my boss a one month notice a month ago ( what a coincidence, huh?) and Tuesday was my last day there. I thought I would feel terrible that day and that the gloominess would show and I would hate myself for it, but one of my weirdest characteristics kicked in and saved the day.

You see, one of the weird things about me is that things don't sink in as fast as they should with me. Like, a friend of mine would be leaving for a year or so to study abroad and I'd be all cheery about it and tell everyone off for making a scene and getting that friend all worked up about it until he/she actually gets on the plane and leaves. A couple of days later I realise the whole thing and feel terrible because I know that I'll miss them terribly.
Another stupidly bizzarre example is a friend's birthday or our prom. I'd realize the next day that it was so much fun and that I had the greatest time.

Back to the main story, I left that day all cheery and stuff after saying goodbye to all my friends and us promising that we'll keep in touch and the outings will increase significantly. And all the time and up till this very moment I totally feel that I'm just on a vacation and when I get back to work it will be in the same place with the same people. I guess it will all sink in on the first (or maybe second) day of my new job.

And now to the fun part of the quiting-the-job thing. I'm going to work in Oracle!!! yaaay! I'm so excited about it and so scared at the same time. Not that I think I won't be good at what I do, and not even because I'm afraid of meeting new people, because I already know four or five people there, one of which is going to be starting with me on the same day. I'm just scared because I'm facing a whole new experience with a whole new level of professionalism. Come to think of it, not exactly scared... a little bit on my toes is more like it. So, with my fingers crossed, I proudly say ORACLE, here I come!! :D :D

A Song

2006-07-01T13:30:00.000+03:00

I heard a song a week or so ago and it stayed in my head ever since. It really makes you think about how we go about in our lives and how it should really be.
I won't talk too much I'll just leave you with the lyric and the song. Actually, I didn't want to write the lyric here because of two reasons.
The first and more important one is that if you read it without listening to the actual song it will lose some of its charm.
The second reason is that I looked all over the internet for it and couldn't find it so I went ahead and wrote it myself and there are a few words that I'm not so sure I heard correctly.

Anyway, you can find the song here.

PS. If at some point the link no longer works, you'll have to search for the song yourselves.(obvious, right?)

I'd appreciate any corrections in the lyric :)

India Arie - Wings of Forgiveness

Oooh

I just want you to know
After everything that we've been through
I just want you to know that I still love you
that I still love you

Yeaah

Had to go across the water
Just to find what was here in my heart all along
Spent so much time, trying to be right
That I was dead wrong
If Nelson Mandela can forgive his oppressors
Surely I can forgive you for your passion

You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high and fly high
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgement
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness

Oooh, mmmm

Had to run to the arms of curiousity
Just to find what was here in my life all along
I have found that the art of simplicity
Simply means making peace with your complexity
If Gandhi can forgive persecution
Surely you can forgive me for being so petty

I'm only human
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high and fly high
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgement
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness

I searched for romance, flowers and affection
What I found is a lesson of what love really is
Found the game of love is about how much you can take
But that authentic love is about how much you can give

After everything that we've been through
I just want you to know that I still love you
Want you to know that I forgive you
Thank you for teaching me how to give

And I want to let you know how much you changed my life
I want to let you know you taught me how to fly
And I wrote this song to tell you this
I'm better 'cause you taught me how to give

I took a swim in the sea of guilt and misery
To find myself on a island in the middle of nowhere
In my solitude I asked to know the highest truth
And what I was told is "To thine own self be true"
If Jesus can forgive Crucifixion
Surely we can survive and find a resolution

Let's keep it moving
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high and fly high
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgement
And fly high fly high

Let's keep it moving
Let's shake free this gravity of commitment
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness

After everything that we've been through
I just want you to know that I still love you
Want you to know that I still love you
Let's fly high

And I want to let you know how much you changed my life
I want to let you know you taught me how to fly
and I wrote this song to tell you this
I'm better 'cause you taught me how to give

I still love you, Want you to know
I still love you
Want you to know I still love you
And I always will love you
And I want to let you know that I forgive you
I want to let you know that I still love you
Want you to know I still love you
I just want you to know I still love you
want you to know that I still love you
want you to know I still love you

Oooh
And I want to let you know I forgive you
I want to let you know I still love you
want you to know I still love you
(till fade out)

A Thing That Gets To Me

2006-06-26T01:24:00.000+03:00

I am so angry that I can't find the suitable words to describe my anger level. How can people have that talent of making you about to explode?!

Being that angry I'm not even sure that what I write would make much sense, but I'll try to explain the reason behind that mood.

You know how people always think they know it all and they can just look at you and categorize you instantly? And the categories don't come in a large variety either, it's either good or bad.
Good is when you're like them all, that stereotypical goodie-two-shoes that does it all their way, and then there's bad; that's when you're anything that's not the conventional hypocritically boring person that they are most comfortable around.

I am not bizarre. I am not so different either. I'm just myself, but I know that people can be different and I accept their differences. So why is it so hard that everyone else would accept other peoples' differences too?

Let me give you some examples of a stereotypical mindset: (not all of those things apply to me, but it just pisses me off that they are regarded as rules, as a matter of fact that's beyond dispute)

A girl only watches football to impress guys, a girl who smokes any kind of tobacco is doing it to attract attention (male attention, of course).
A guy or a girl who goes out on his/her own to go to the movies or sit in a cafe to read or anything of the sort is a weirdo and needs psychological help.
Someone who takes a garbage collector or anyone who is not of a "suitable" social standard out for a meal and a nice chat has got some (or most) screws loose in that thing he calls a head!
A girl who goes out with a group of guys that exceeds two is definitely not well behaved, she is an easy catch and has no manners whatsoever.
On the other hand, a guy who goes out with a group of girls that exceeds two is a great guy, a casanova that is envied by all his peers for his great charm and capability to attract the laydees.

The list just goes on and on. And while most of it is just a bunch of stupid things that shouldn't affect anyone that much, when you put them all together it becomes a totally different thing. It smothers you and kills your individuality a slow, painful and most brutal death.

Too many people let their passions go to waste because they are shackled by the prjudice of the ignorant community around them. It's truly a shame...

Shawsheska I

2006-06-21T10:33:00.001+03:00

"Dear diary,

I woke up today to the same feeling I've been having for two weeks now. I woke up to an empty bed. It's hard to grasp that we're no longer together. I just can't understand how all that was nothing but a big illusion. I went to make my morning coffee, not because I needed to drink coffee, just because that's what I do every morning. Everything is losing its meaning and nothing is making sense anymore. I drank my coffee and I can't remember what it tasted like. It doesn't matter anyway, everything turned tasteless the moment he told me he was leaving.

I didn't go to work today. I don't feel like leaving the house, and I can't stay here either. Everything in it reminds me of him, of us. Everything I touch or look at in here replays a memory in my head and I just can't stand it. I told myself this morning that today will be different, that I will not allow myself to sulk anymore and that I will go out for a walk and the fresh air will do the trick. I went out and after a long walk that I spent most of daydreaming about nothing at all, I found myself sitting on a bench in the park. Guess what, it was where he had kissed me for the first time. Ironic? Pathetic is more likely. Oh, diary I hate what I've become. I hate that person who looks back at me in the mirror and I hate him even more for doing that to me. There has to be a way to stop these tears, and this terrible pain."

Inspired by the song Illegal by Shakira ft. Carlos Santana

Blogs Are Fun!

2006-06-19T16:16:00.001+03:00

It just hit me today that I have developed a fascination for reading blogs. I've always been curious about what goes around in peoples' minds and imagination, and to find a way to fulfill my curiosity is just great!

I didn't read many blogs yet, but I have a couple on my hands now that are very interesting. One of which is Tiny's, which is not increasing with the rate that I would like it to (but I'm optimistic that it will :) ) and the other one is already loaded with posts since it was started a lot earlier than Tiny's.

Actually I got the StatCounter idea from that other blog, so if you ever happen to stumble upon my humble blog, thanx for the great idea :)

I can't wait to finish reading all the previous posts and be up to date, and I really hope there are similarly interesting blogs around because this stuff is fun! I looked at a couple other blogs that weren't as interesting as the ones I'm reading now (not at all interesting, that is) so I do hope that there are other people like you guys and I do hope that I find them easily.

I'll go now to read some more :)
Tiny, write faster girl!

Shawsheska's Diary

2006-06-18T01:05:00.000+03:00

I sometimes come up with stories. I imagine different situations and write about them sometimes. Some other times I just act a part. I imagine that I've just broken up with my man, or that I'm the CEO of a major organization. I never said I was totally sane, on the contrary I explicitly remember stating otherwise.

So, without further ado, I present to you Shawsheska, a young female who's everyone you can think of. She's the first woman to walk on the moon, she's the scientist who discovered that all important discovery, she's the next Ms. Monroe. She's the devil incarnate, or best of all; my favorite: just the girl next door. Shawsheska has a notebook with a colorful flower on the cover that she uses as a diary. The diary is her best friend, her confidante. The only one in the world who knows her deepest darkest secrets, her dreams and fears, the sources of happiness in her life and those of heartache and pain. So whenever Shawsheska feels like she needs someone who would really understand she talks to her dear friend Diary.

So from time to time, I will get some paragraphs out of her diary and put them out here for everyone to read. I sure hope she doesn't mind. Maybe one day she'll discover that I'm doing her a favour and helping her out of her little shell. I'm not saying that I am really doing her a favour(I honestly don't know at all what I'm doing exactly), I'm just saying I hope she would think so.

Crush And Be Done

2006-06-17T13:35:00.001+03:00

What's with having a crush on someone? aren't we too old for that? how can you still get a crush on some guy you barely know? And being as grown-up as we are, we can see from what little we know that there's no way that it would be anything more than a crush. So why do we not get it out of our heads and get on with whatever it is that we do? Maybe because of the feelings that come with that crush, maybe that exciting giggly feeling and flirtatious behaviour that gets all your nerves working and the blood pumping inside your vains. Maybe because all the time you're on your toes waiting for that other person's next step, and thinking of steps that you could take to attract them but still be subtle enough not to expose yourself too much. I've got to admit that it is very exciting to look for signs of interest from them, to catch them while they were discreetly looking at you, or to notice how they start a conversation with you over absolutely nothing at all, or when they say that everyone missed you and someone else when both of you didn't come one day (and you know that everyone didn't really miss you both). and it is fun to see your effect on them, too when you say something funny and they laugh like you just said the funniest thing there is, even if both of you know it's really not that funny anyway, or when you both join forces to make fun of a poor unsuspecting victim and you sense that they're really enjoying it. Yes, it feels great to know you're interesting, and yes it is fabulous that you have that effect on someone you like, but it is still just a crush, you know so you have to get the best of it, get it done, and get over it! you can't just let it go to waste, right? ;)

Rock Ya Beiih, Rock Ya Haanem?

2006-06-15T11:58:00.000+03:00

I was looking through El Sakia's site today to see if there were any interesting events coming up soon. I was actually looking for something for Wust El Balad but there was nothing this month. However, I found a couple of rock events and a tango one that I really want to check out. So I started going over a mental list of my friends to see who would be interested to go with me ( because it would be totally pathetic if I went alone, and it won't be that much fun then.), so I go over my relatively long list and I come up with two names, one of which is my mother who would be interested in both the rock and tango concerts. The other person would like to go to rock concerts but we don't quite have that bond that would make us go to any event without other friends. How fun is that? The phrase "Where have all the good people gone?" keeps popping in my head over and over... why does every outing have to involve food, aTV that's showing a song, but being muted because they have a totally different song playing in the sound system and people talking about absolute nonsense?
Anyway, I'll just take my chances and suggest that we go and keep my fingers crossed.

Just Wanted To Warn You

2006-06-14T15:00:00.000+03:00

I should warn everyone who attempts to read these posts that there is no value, lesson to be learned or meaningful experience that you would come out with. I'm just writing bits and pieces of the product of a crazy mind. It's just a place for me to unload some of the stuff that's running around in my head, and believe me it's crowded up there. So what I write may seem stupid at times, deep at some other moments, or sincere or even just a load of junk most of the time. but it's still part of me. so bear with me and I truly appreciate your efforts to try to stay awake and read it to the end :) (that's if you'll actually do that).

So Tiny told me about this place, thanx girl, I have my doubts about you reading my blogs though, I don't blame you anyway.

And The Hippie Talks

2006-06-14T12:34:00.000+03:00

I'm not exactly what you'd call an authentic hippie, I don't go around believing that you have every right to smoke pot and get laid and I don't believe that what's mine is yours and what's ours is everybody else's... but I do believe that things should be a lot simpler in life. You don't have to have it all made out! you don't have to have your whole life divinely planned, you don't have to be polite and considerate all the time and you definitely shouldn't abide by the rules all the time! after all, who made those rules? some other human being looking for a sense of understanding, seeking the superiority of knowing something, and making any sense out of it... and actually passing it on to other unknowing human beings as ground rules as to how to lead a well, civilized life. So I say we all have to loosen up a little and go where our whims take us, just follow our impulses as long as they're not destructive impulses that will get us in deep ... trouble :)

I don't know how to describe myself, but I tend to talk about myself a lot ( it's obvious right?). It's that i'm a mixture of so many things that I can't even figure myself out, and I think I never will. I don't mind, I think if I actually figure myself out there will be no more mystery in my life and i'll just be that dull person who's all figured out.

People say i'm crazy, they're right. I am crazy, who isn't? We all have a crazy bit in us.. some just let it go and others try so hard to hide it. I believe that those who work so hard at hiding it are the ones who turn out to be the real nutcases. It strains to try to hide who you are in a stupid attempt to appeal to people who are indifferent anyway, so it eventually drives you over the edge. At least I think so.